When you have a kid there is suddenly this other being who is totally and completely relying on you, not only to survive but to be happy and healthy too. That is a lot of pressure for anyone. There are about a million ways that we can screw up a child, I’m sure I’ve already unwittingly done at least half of them.
I wake up everyday thinking that I’m going to do better, but then I still haven’t bought the reusable diapers (I had all the plans, you guys). He’s still using a plastic spoon, in his plastic highchair. Sometimes, I buy baby food instead of making him something myself. We still use plastic Tupperware. I still buy junk food from time to time, and I don’t always choose the organic (read also free range, non-hormone, no additional chemicals, any label you can think of here) versions of things. I catch myself begging for it to be nap time so I can get a break. Sometimes I distract him with another toy so I don’t have to read the same book for the 6th time. Every day I go to bed thinking of all the ways in which I have failed to be the best representative I can be for my kid.
Every. Single. Day.
It’s hard to not begin to spiral out of control and just dwell on the ways in which I have failed. I just keep telling myself that tomorrow is another day. I have already made so many changes for the better. All the time I am moving toward that person I have in my mind who lives so sustainably, so healthily and has all the patients in the world. I am not there yet, but I keep trying. I keep telling myself that I am enough. I’m putting in the work, albeit slowly. I am doing everything in my power to strengthen my will and resolve to do better. And tomorrow I will do better.
And tonight? Well, I’m at the end of my rope, and everyone’s looking at me for dinner tonight so we are having egg salad. Again.
At least this egg salad has a delicious punch of flavor and a wonderfully bright color. I’ll have it over salad, Chuck will have it on a sandwich, and the baby will eat it mixed with some peas and carrots from the freezer. It will be yummy and filling and mostly good for us. The important thing is that it will get us through the day, and tomorrow we can all try again.
Curried Egg Salad
- 8 Eggs hardboiled, peeled and chopped
- 1/2 cup mayonnaise
- 1 teaspoon prepared yellow mustard
- 2 tablespoons chopped green onion or chives
- 1/4 cup finely chopped celery
- 1/2 teaspoon curry powder
- salt and pepper to taste
- Place the chopped egg in a medium-sized bowl with all other ingredients.
- Gently toss to combine. Adjust seasonings and serve.
- Can be made ahead and kept chilled until ready to serve.